A child’s or loved one’s addiction can take a huge toll on family members. It’s common for parents or loved ones of someone who struggles with addiction to experience negative side effects, like hopelessness and despair, but these emotions can prevent you from helping your loved one in useful ways. As soon as you became a parent, your priority became your child: making sure they’re safe, protected and making the right choices. But that’s difficult to do when your child–whether they’re in their late teens, 20’s or have children of their own–has an addiction. These coping mechanisms can help keep your sanity intact, so you’re equipped to help your child in recovery.
1. Don’t dwell on finding the “cause.”
Addiction is so often incorrectly regarded as an issue of morality. It’s natural for parents to question what they did “wrong” that caused their son or daughter to develop an addiction, or perceived “moral failure.” Don’t waste time and energy trying to identify the things that led to your child’s addiction. That’s what treatment is for. There are more productive ways to spend your time, too, like engaging in family counseling or individual therapy.
2. Set boundaries.
Your expectations and boundaries need to be clear, and you need to be consistent in maintaining them. Give your child clear expectations as to what you won’t tolerate, and what the consequences will be if they fail to meet those expectations. Setting such stringent boundaries can feel a little extreme, but it’s important you stick with them. If you’re not consistent, it makes it much more challenging to be understood.
3. Focus on positivity and productivity.
No one, whether they’re in their early 20’s or late 50’s, wants to feel judged for their addiction. Make sure your child knows that you fully support them and that you believe they can succeed in recovery. When speaking with your child, ask questions, listen and try to make the conversation as productive as possible. This is not the time for aggressive or combative behavior. A strong support network means everything. If your child understands that they have your support, they’re one step closer to healing and lasting recovery.
4. Stop enabling.
As a parent, it’s natural to want to protect your child. But that instinct often leads to enabling, or protecting your child from fully experiencing the consequences of their actions. Maybe you make excuses for your child, support them financially and do things in an effort to make their lives easier. Although these actions are well-intentioned, they’re hindering your child’s long-term recovery. No parent wants to see their child suffer, but struggles and so-called “unfair” situations can effect growth and change. Letting your child fully experience the negative consequences of their actions helps them learn valuable lessons and teaches them how to work through their problems, a critical skill to have in life. Segue Recovery Support’s Family Support Services offer vital guidance and coaching for families of people in early recovery, and our programs are structured in a way that benefits each individual family. Contact us at 1-833-485-0789 for more information.