Apparently, it is not “normal” to drive 200 miles—one way—for a haircut.

Looks of disbelief, horror, amusement, even disdain crossed the faces of friends and co-workers when I revealed my plan to drive from Austin to Fort Worth to get my hair cut. “You’re crazy!” was the ubiquitous response.

I found myself justifying and rationalizing at every turn…If you only had the plight I’ve had with my hair, you’d make that drive too. After years of bad hair-dos, of trying to get my hair to be bigger, curlier, straighter, poufier, blonder, longer, shorter, more SOMETHING, I discovered Susan. She’s known instinctively since 1995 what to do with my tresses. And I admit I am reluctant to cut ties.

But the question remains:

Why am I so unwillingly to find a hairdresser in Austin?

The obvious answer is that I don’t want to be stuck with a bad haircut. While this may be true on some level, I’ve learned in recovery that there is always another layer to be revealed.

I discovered an area, seemingly innocuous, of current agnosticism. Every time I make that drive to Fort Worth for a haircut I am in self-reliance. I am telling myself to go back to what I know works…what I know is comfortable instead of walking out in faith. When my stubbornness bumps up against a chorus of people who question my choices, perhaps it’s time to reconsider.

Granted, haircuts are not deep spiritual issues, but when I am awake to moments where I am seemingly swimming upstream, making heavy going of life, it does give me an opportunity for self-reflection.

“Simple, but not easy; a price had to be paid. It meant destruction of self-centeredness. I must turn in all things to the Father of Light who presides over us all. “ Not sure if the authors of the Big Book were referring to haircuts, but I hope to apply this same newfound willingness to change in things both big and small.

I guess I’m in the market for a hairdresser in Austin.